


i don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity

by akamine_chan



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy
Genre: Community: anon_lovefest, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-06
Updated: 2011-07-06
Packaged: 2017-10-21 02:40:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/219985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akamine_chan/pseuds/akamine_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He always fails at everything he does. Friendship, relationship, band, business, family, marriage, none of it can withstand his ability to tear things apart and ruin them with the weight of his hopes. Some things aren't meant to be load-bearing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity

**Author's Note:**

> Written nonanonymously for the LJ community anon_lovefest
> 
> Prompt: Pete, gen or any pairings, not picky (preferred being Pete/Patrick, Pete/Mikey/Alicia, or Pete/Gabe, if you really care), with either [Basket Case](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCTt4hFBek4) or [Gravity](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEXhAMtbaec) both by Sara Bareilles as inspiration.
> 
> Warning: mental health issues.
> 
> Notes: This was totally inspired by _Gravity_ ; title from the lyrics. Unbeta'd.

Pete hates that he's so fucking fragile. When he was younger, he'd look in the mirror and see _strength_. Now all he sees is weakness.

Something broken.

He always fails at everything he does. Friendship, relationship, band, business, family, marriage, none of it can withstand his ability to tear things apart and ruin them with the weight of his hopes. Some things aren't meant to be load-bearing.

Pete remembers some moments so clearly. The joy of creating, words and music tumbling free of his heart for the first time, combining perfectly. Hot summer days filled with laughter and music, too-short nights of falling in love and saying goodbye. The way his blood froze when he heard about the Paramour. How the house echoes when he's the only one in it.

And the way Trick looks at him, Trick who he loves and hates, because there is no Pete without Trick. Pete and Patrick, Patrick and Pete. Trick is Pete's momentum, his kinetics, his physics.

Trick is the only thing that keeps Pete going, some days. Most days.

Everything else is a blur of not good enough, not smart enough, just not...enough. The desire to be _enough_ is razor sharp and he's spent most of his life bleeding from the wounds. Even love can't seem to heal them all, no matter how much Trick tries.

He always needs someone to lean against, someone to keep him from falling too hard, too fast, too far. Someone to pull him back when he teeters on the edge of the darkness, suspended perfectly between the pull of gravity and the urge to _leap_.

He wants to run away, start over with a clean slate and no expectations. He could be what he's meant to be instead of being shaped by what people think. Maybe then he could stand up straight and tall in Trick's eyes.

Be half of a whole instead of bits and pieces that don't fit together no matter how he tries.

He can't reach escape velocity and pull himself free of Trick's orbit. It's something he wants, to be just Pete again, on his own again, alone again, but it terrifies him. He doesn't know if he can let go.

"Oh, Pete." Trick gathers him close and Pete closes his eyes, resting his aching head against Trick's shoulder. "I wish you wouldn't do this to yourself," Trick whispers. Pete nods and curls closer.

Sometimes he wishes people would just let him fall, shatter like glass. Maybe then, when he heals, he'd be stronger. Strong enough to catch Trick, or Mikey, or Alicia when they stumble.

-fin-


End file.
